Moving over to FAT... ugh

OK... I'm barely fit and am not happy which means I am FAT. I'm worn down from working too much and using food to keep me in a state of euphoria to get through it all. Stress and non-cooperative suppliers are kicking me down. I'm up, oh a measily 18lbs from my lightest last summer. Just over 10 from my competitive weight. I have to watch that as well though, because I have put on quite a bit of muscle this winter. I have lowered the amount of running and cardio this season and replaced it with quite a bit of strength training. Unfortunately I have found that bulking up also makes me feel FAT. I don't think I want to be here to be truthful. I think I have to buckle down and kick up the running again. I'll try to do as much swimming as I can to balance the upper body and add the cardio and coordination bonuses. And the last straw... I need to eat a whole lot better.